most thankful for...

Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of having babies, of being a mom. I was one of those girls with all of their children's names picked out at the age of 13! I was always revising the list of names that I preferred at that time. However, a lot of people close to me died during my childhood and teenage years-this really affected me in weird ways. It made me realize, at a very young age, just how precious and not permanent this life is. I found myself always rushing through my life...anxiously awaiting the next "big" event. Deep in the back of my mind, I have always had a hard time believing that I would have time to experience some of my dreams, motherhood was one of them.
The first time I found out I was pregnant was completely by surprise. I cried and almost fainted, my knees were wobbly and I thought for sure that my life was over. That lasted about 5 minutes...then the excitement set in....there was a baby inside of me...we were going to be parents! I couldn't sleep that night because I couldn't stop thinking about this new life. Unexpectedly, I awoke early the very next morning with sharp pulling pains in my stomach. But even as I lost that pregnancy, my desire to have a child was growing stronger.
When I finally got pregnant again, it was almost surreal the whole nine months...I had numerous health issues come up during the pregnancy, constantly reminding me just how fragile this life inside of me was. At just 12 weeks gestation, my husband and I were told that our baby had a chromosomal disorder and would "have to be aborted". We chose to go home and think about our choices and the implications of this situation. We did research, cried, talked, cried some more, and finally decided that we had conceived this child out of love and we wanted he/she more than anything. We would do whatever it took to raise our child, healthy or not. We would NOT end a life we tried so hard to create! Numerous tests followed and within 2 months we were told that the ultrasound had showed a distorted image of the nuchal area of the baby, translating into the fact that our baby was HEALTHY and teaching us that our faith and love had led us to the RIGHT decision.
Our healthy son, Xander, was born on July 30, 2004! He has made me happier than I could ever have anticipated! He lights up my every day. He makes all of the sacrifices throughout my pregnancy disappear. When I look in his eyes, I feel the love my husband and I have for him. He makes me want 10 more! So, on this day of thanks, of family, of being grateful, I am! I am on my knees thankful for every moment that I have gotten to spend with my baby and for being blessed enough to be his mother! I will forever cherish this gift that I have been given!